40. Buddhahood – Something that Scares

…my last question about physical desire led me to think about something that had troubled my mind time and again for a couple of years now.
“Something scares me when I think about it”
“And what is that?”
“Say I loved this girl and I imagined so many future moments with hers, some of them very personal to a relation, physical especially. Now she is gone, now she will marry someone else and she will…” I shook my head I couldn’t say, ‘o god’ I was so scared indeed didn’t want to think about it also, “… you understand?”
“Yes I do, they will do all that you imagined for yourself”
“…yes, she’ll be sharing bed with another man, she’ll be producing his kids not mine. The thought makes me go crazy… my god, this really scares me, it is an unbearable thought” I cried.
“I understand it is very difficult for you, these thoughts are merciless” Tazzy consoled, and meditated for a while…
“So what if you can’t marry her…” he began, “…these four years of her life she is with you and you with her, at this time she can’t be with her husband and you not with your wife, so forget everything, love her this moment without worrying about the life and marriage. On the contrary it is good that you don’t get to marry her, you will not have to see her growing old and ugly, you will not have to see her decay and die. Let her husband carry all that load of misery, ha ha ha ha hee hee hee…” Tazzy laughed like a mad man.
“You just love her this moment and let this moment be timeless. Even when you are old she will remain young in your mind and memories, because you won’t see her grow old”
“You mean if I or the person who gets her will be disadvantaged?”“No, all I mean is that even if you don’t get her, you are not disadvantaged. Therefore stop sorrowing about not being able to get the possession of her body. Love all the flowers in the garden, they are all yours, without being sad if you are unable to pluck and possess even one of them. You are in this garden of beautiful flowers all around you, you are blessed to be in this garden, feel so…” said Tazzy.