8. How to Name your Kids

“Your topic for class presentation tomorrow is social communication, ways of effective communication and communication barriers” said the nasty humanities professor to this guy whose name began from ‘A’ and thus it went on till the last person alphabetically. Tazzy and I were in different groups, however the new boy Depesh was in my group because his name started from ‘D’ and mine from ‘H’ and there was no one from ‘E&F’ and only one from ‘G’. Sometimes having you name begin with ‘A’ is not all that good afterall; you just might be the first one to get screwed that ways. This just reminds me to advice you on naming your kids once you have them. See if you name them from the first six alphabets then they might be advantageous where the good things are concerned for example if there is a sweet distribution event on republic day or convocation etc because they will get it first, but if it is the case of going into the professor’s room (the devils den) for viva or a practical submission then they are the first ones to come under the axe, and believe me it’s not a very pleasant feeling going in there first, your heart beat accelerates and you feel like peeing all the time.

That’s one side of the story. Now if you name your kid with an alphabet after ‘O’ that is towards the end of the series then he might have to wait the entire day to give his viva. Say your name starts from ‘T’ then by noon the professor will be only half way through the viva thing and you keep waiting for your turn, then he will call for lunch and you will have to come again after lunch, it will be late evening by the time your turn comes and one is dead tired by then literally begging that ‘please take my viva and let me go for heaven sake’. So the most logical conclusion is to name your kid, (kids if you plan to have more than one) with the alphabets between ‘H’ to ‘M’ so he doesn’t have to wait the entire day for his turn and nor he is the first one to come under the axe, on the contrary he can take the advantage of the sufferings of the ones going into the professors room first, by asking them the kind of atmosphere prevailing inside and the variety of questions being asked because after some time the professors start repeating their limited set of questions, they don’t actually have that many different questions, repetition is inevitable. Your family pundit might say that Aabhishek with an extra ‘a’ is a good fortune name, but believe me Gabbar Singh or Jagga Daku may be more beneficial names for him, because they will save his ass on a number of occasions. So no matter what your pundit or the priest says, name your kids strategically.